Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Is there anything I'm doing brand new?

Is it wrong to be attracted to people that have qaulities that I don't? And when I say "attracted" I am talking about males as well as females. And I'm not necessarily speaking in a romantic sense. I am a big lover of friendship. I love being around my friends as much as possible. And because of that, I love being around people who embody characteristics that I admire and that I wish to obtain.

Every relationship that is dear to me only works because I feel that I am getting something out of it. NOT the materialistic, user-like something. But something that will help me be the person that I want to be. The person that I should be. The best I can be.

But because we are all human it's not surprising that there are also character traits that my friends have that aren't as positive. And that's okay! Trust me, I'm not that person who considers themselves perfect. There's a lot about myself that I am constantly discovering and constantly trying to change and develop. I have a lot of flaws and I've accepted that. Gratefully enough, not many people have had to let me know about many of those idiosyncrasies prior to my own self discovery.

As of right now I realize that some of my less desirable attributes are my rebellious spirit, how guarded I can be , how indecisive I ALWAYS am, how fleeting I've become and how prideful I want to be. But most of those are qualities I realized on my own. And now I need to figure out if the reason I haven't been "put in my place" or "been told about myself" is because my friends are trying to spare my feelings.

Maybe it's the fear of creating an awkward aura. Or maybe it's the excuse that...
"I accept my friends; flaws and all. All %100 of their personalities."
And as much as that should be the case it still doesn't cover-up the fact that it's harder now a days to get the truth from your friends. Who else but your friends should tell you when you're pulling a Drake and acting brand new? I guess people figure that it's a task that should be left to family and enemies. I personally believe that I want to hear from the people who know me best. It just seems right. Why wouldn't the people who supposedly care about me not want me to know what things I need to work on? Yes, there are those times when opinions get in the way of realitity but If you're my real friend I would hope you would be as constructive as possible.And there is of course a time, place and way of going about it. And with the most tactful and caring approach I can't see myself getting offended. Most times out of 10 I probably know what makes my comrades as well as the rest of society tick. But for those things that I may be oblivious to, I would love to know. I want my friends to help me on my search for being a person with far less negative distinctions.

But I could be alone with this thought process...I usually am.

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