Wednesday, November 4, 2009

10 things I hate about you

I really want to write more. It proves to be that release that I’ve been looking for. So I guess that means more blogs, more frequently in the coming days. Since I’m stuck in the house with this nasty flu, I’ve had the opportunity to catch up on school work, get plenty of sleep, and read some of the blogs that use to keep me pretty entertained. One of them introduced me to this idea where I can write a list of ten statements to ten people. It’s a good way to prepare your mind for the end of the year and to help you develop goals for the coming year on a social level. I guess for those who are important in my life will know who each statement applies to but I rather it be a silent mystery…anyway here it is…

10. I’ve been jealous of you for some time now. In the past I was the only one in his life and you literally came out the woodwork and took my spot. I never thought I was a jealous person until I realized that I actually felt replaced. I know it’s not your fault, and I know you’re oblivious to how I feel but that lack of concern only makes my anger for you greater. In the future I hope we can develop our friendship and I hope I can grow up and realize that we both are important in this person’s life.

9. You hated me before you even knew me. And to this day I still can’t figure out what I could have done to you. I’ve always been more than cordial to you. I know this has everything to do with your “lover” and that’s fine. Just know they’re my friend and that is all. I have no desire to take your spot in their life and I promise you I am not trying to turn them against you. You may not know this but I’m the one who pushed them to give you a chance initially, and when you guys go through it, I always try to talk them into seeing your point of view. I don’t really have anything else to say. I just hope you let go of any ill feelings you have towards me, because they are not returned.

8. After one night of debauchery I never thought I would regret what I’ve done to this extent, until now. I wish I could tell you I share the same feelings you do, but that would be a lie. Anything that happened that night can be and must be blamed on the alcohol. I know, it’s immature and possibly cliché, but it is what it is. I have no feelings for you and if I honestly never spoke to you again, I would be more than fine. I’m sorry, because I know your feelings are greater. You are kind and possibly perfect, but unfortunately you are not perfect for me.

7. You are truly beginning to become one of my best friends. Since the end of last school year we have become so much closer. I know it seems like I can sometimes forget about you, but you must know that it’s never intentional. We have the greatest times together and we have more in common than you probably know. I know you wish I would open up more to you, but I promise it has nothing to do with you. In the past I’ve trusted my life with too many people and like so many others, that trust was used against me. I’m afraid of getting hurt and I care too much about our friendship for it to end due to my carelessness.

6. We understand each other too well. We know exactly what to say to hurt each other and we know exactly what to say to cheer each other up. It’s ridiculous how much I cared for you, and I still don’t think you know. I worked so hard to not fall in love with you that it ended up ruining any chance we ever had at being in a relationship. Now I realize that I loved you for who you were and hate you for who you’ve become. I never did anything to deserve the disrespect you’ve shown me recently and because of that I realize that we could never have been. A realization I’ll have to face.

5. This is going to be hard. I guess the hardest part is realizing that you’re gone forever. You know I loved you, and I swear after everything you and I would have got together in the end. (having British/American babies lol. )But even in your absence I realized that you’ve been the realest friend I’ve ever had. I don’t have to write much to you because you always knew. Even when we went months without speaking you always knew what I needed and was there for me like no one ever has. And if I could have said one more thing to you it’s that I love you and you were always number one in my life =D

4. You’re my PIC. When everyone else at Howard seems to act brand new you remain constant, ever since freshmen year and I respect you for that, more than you know. I know we’ll be cool forever. We have to be future LS (lol!).

3. Ok ride or die….you KNOW I’d be lost without you. You’re that one person who I know I can come to when I’m feeling some type of way. We speak EVERDAY, whether thru phone calls/texts/BBM/twitter or pigeon carrier (LOL), and I wouldn’t want it any other way. You know our saying “we get drunk and then cry to each other.” You keep me grounded, listen to my rants, and always have encouraging quotes and words for me every day. If you weren’t in my life it would literally be in shambles. Who else could I wait to exhale with?

2. Since the first time we met I knew we would be close. We’ve been through soooooo much together and I appreciate every moment (even the struggles). At times you can sometimes be the number one stressor in my life. It’s probably due to the fact that although you’re able to tell me anything about anyone else who affects your life, you aren’t able to tell me when I’ve upset you. In the past I would get so upset about it but now I realize that every slight falling out we have is what helps us stay closer. We have so many people who are waiting for us to give each other the permanent boot. And as many times that I’ve contemplated doing just that I realize that you’re my best friend, and I know that at the end of the day you have my back, and I hope you know I have yours.

1. Although I know we’ll never be, I’ve been crushing on you since the middle of sophomore year. But it’s ok if we’re just friends. I rather it that way regardless…

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