Tuesday, July 6, 2010

The Friend Zone

As I sit here listening to J*Davey and drinking some Cream Soda, one of my favorite guy buddies (lol) stops by the house.

We sit down on the bed and discuss everything that college students discuss and when I tell him I’m about to get ready to go out with this guy name Rondell, (who I almost jumped up and down in front of when he asked me on a date) his whole demeanor changes. I wouldn’t have thought anything about playing 20 questions about Rondell’s life until he started making those obvious jealous comments…let’s see how it panned out…

1st. He began by criticizing our date location/plans. If you’re from the DC area I think you’d agree with me when I say that eating at Sequoia in Georgetown and taking a walk along the

waterfront, in the middle of the summer, is actually a splendid idea for a date. So the fact that he pointed out that he thought I was worth taking somewhere better was very flattering (and in any other circumstance exactly what I want to hear) but come on son! I can see bad reasoning from a mile away.

2nd. I told him where he was from and what school he attends and he laughed? He’s from Maryland and he goes to the University of the District of Colombia. Granted it’s not Harvard or even Howard. And although the joke of it being DC’s 4-year community college is city wide, at least he’s getting an education. Not to mention the fact that being from MD does not make him a “local”. Did he forget that I’m from MD too? This isn’t looking good for you son!

3rd. When I asked him if guys made any mental notes about what females wear on their first date he replied, “Not really. Wear whatever you like. Guys want to see you looking comfortable because otherwise it looks like you’re trying way too hard. Just wear some jeans and a T.” I can admit that I haven’t done a lot of dating in my time but that didn’t even sound right. I think me showing up in sweats and a wife beater is probably not going to go over too well with my date (or the 3-star restaurant we will be eating dinner at.) This is turning into a muthafuccinwrap!

4th (and finally). I told him that his last girlfriend was of 2-years and that’s when all Hell broke loose. He told me I was just a rebound girl and I should probably stay clear of him. He suggested that we just be friends because he could just be using me as revenge, a “pussy replacement” or a human rehabilitation center. This is when all flags were up and I knew we were embarking upon the outer limits of…”The Friend Zone.”

I have accepted the fact that guys just want friendship out of me. My ex-bff told me it was because they didn’t want to have to lose me from their life. And I believed him. Whether that was true or not, it’s always been easier for me to instantly become friends with the opposite sex before I decide to have a romantic interest in them. Only quite recently has that slightly changed. Maybe it’s because I feel comfortable in “The Friend Zone.”

Maybe I should explain what that is…

There is a place within every female/male friendship that is called “The Friend Zone.” It’s great to have those relations were its strictly platonic between a women and a man. But if both parties aren't aware that they are both respectively placed in “the friend zone,” situations like the above will leave someone confused and the other pissed off and/or upset. You have to know what’s ok in “the friend zone.”

*Expect to call and be called homies/buddies/bffs/besties/etc…

*Changing plans is fine as long as it’s not continual or because they made plans with a potential boy/girlfriend

*Expect to talk about the other’s love life. You’re there to do the best friend thing where advice is always given.

*Text/phone call conversations can range from 3min to 3 hours with no fuss.

*Pecks on the lips/cheeks/hands are appropriate and mean only affection shown by friends

*It’s acceptable to say, “I love you” with no worries of the depth of the statement.

*If one of you are gay…it works better. (#kanyeshrug)

Like the Twilight Zone, “the friend zone” is nearly impossible to escape, and you don’t want to be caught in “the zone” by yourself. A mutual understanding is more than necessary. The only way to NOT be caught in it is if the person you are crushing, realizes that you were the one they wanted all along (comparable to the movie, Maid of Honor’s, storyline.)

I could be wrong about this one but I have a feeling my friend has fallen out of “the friend zone” and I’m not quite sure how I should embrace that. If I’m right I guess I should try and explorer this (which of course leads to a whole new set of problems. (To

o many to explain in this post.) Or maybe I should Trinity kick his behind back into the Matrix, where things are less confusing and much easier for me to handle.

1 comment:

  1. Soooo umm can u tell me who this was so I can fry them in person. I dont wanna tase you, but I will. Anywho I'm so glad were all "dating" now what a joyous feeling to be open to different situations that may arise after a "date."
    Sadly I feel I have few male friends now a days, but this isn't my blog so let me not write a paragraph of why. BUT yes if both people know then everything is smoothly and being "in ya feelings" will never happen. What a beautiful revalation.