I am a big girl. Say it how you will, but trust me deniel left the building aaaages ago. I've always been big...but if you look at my mother's side of the family you'll probably think it's genetic. I'm FAR from lazy and I've always been apart of physically demanding programs (dance, tennis, volleyball, marching band etc...) So at this point with my size, it is what it is. I tend to worry about and judge my inner flaws and personality way more than my physical attributes. So now that, that has been put out there let me tell you about the moment I lost faith in human kind.
This morning as I was driving to work I turned on the radio to a conversation about how "easy" women are today. Of course the feminist in me rolled my eyes, but I decided to keep listening. The topic changed from the overall promiscuity of women to that of the "Big woman". Supposedly the hosts thought that plus size women tend to be easier than smaller women. One of the guys even admitted to having went to various clubs to scout out only full figured women to take home. Supposedly, "Their self esteem is so low they are just happy to be approached." And because of the rare chance that they are sought after, they will do anything to keep the interest of this man.
This is a joke, right?
So now I'm heated on the rest of my drive to work. And right as I'm about to walk up the hill to my building this random security guard says to me,"Damn you are beautiful for a big girl. Sexy even." I wish someone could have recorded my facial expression. It was a little of this -____- and a little if this o_0 with a sprinkle of this >=( .
Was this the universe's way of telling me something? It sure felt like it.
Let me begin my rant...
Maybe I shouldn't speak for anyone other than myself, but I don't know one plus size female whos self confidence is so low that they will sleep with anything with legs or someone who will pay them a second of attention. That thought is crazy to me. I know that weight is one of the biggest points if insecurities for females and males a like. Trust me, I've had moments when I've felt like the ugly elephant in the room ( literally). It's unfortunately a common feeling for those who are considered over weight in this society. But after 22 years of being either the tallest or largest girl in a crowd I've left those insecurities in middle school were they belong. I am who I am and that's about it. Recently I've been really into healthy lifestyle choices but that is less about being a size 6 and more about seeing age 36. So when I hear that people actually think that the feeling of self worth is lower in most women who are plus size, I'm easily infuriated.
I don't care how fine you are. Unless you are Idris Elba or Musiq Soulchild (I LOVE him) you're NOT getting it on the first date....not even the 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th. Not only is that dangerous for me physically but mentally as well. I don't care if a guy hasn't looked my way in 3 years, just because I may converse with you when you feel compelled to approach me do not let that be any indication that I have intentions of going home with you. What happened to relationships. Boyfriend/girlfriend? Or even marriage? What type of craziness is this!? Be real. There is someone for everyone. And there is someone who will love you curves and all. If you do decide to approach me and I do not want to talk to you, PLEASE don't insult me two seconds later to your boys saying,
"Man you fat anyway!"
..................................................[allow this pause to be filled with dramatic blinking, sipping of wine, and trying to figure out when I gave a damn how you felt].............................................................You approached me, remember?
But if you do decide to speak to them, if the person you are talking to makes you feel as if they are doing you a favor by entertaining you for the moment...please tell them to have a fucking seat....and keep it moving.
I'm not one for vulgarity but come on! Even the dude who told me that I was beautiful FOR A big girl was playing all the games. Why can't I just be beautiful because I'm a women? I'm sure the intentions were well, but he could have only insulted me future if he had said, "You are beautiful for a BLACK girl." but that's a whole other post by itself...
I just want every plus size female to know that you are beautiful, and you have the right to experience relationships and love without it having to be a pity party or an "easy score". Don't allow your self worth to be questioned by ignorant people. Okay. I'm done. You can have your box back now.