Towards senior year of high school and throughout college he told me countless times that he loved me. And of course I returned the statement because I tell all of my friends that. But it didn't occur to me that he meant it as more than a decent sentiment. "Quite predictable and cliche', Maisheda!" is what everyone kept telling me. But as much as I appreciated my old childhood friend's feelings towards me I've always been that person who held friendships higher than relationships. And just like the Lifetime Movie this sounds like, I didn't want to jeopardize that friendship. Besides, long distance? I wasn't really about that life.
But this summer....oh this summer. The stress of two non-fulfilling jobs, what felt like thousands of kids running around, family drama, and lack of cell phone service forced me to find any type of outlet available. And just like a knight on his white horse, he saved me from everything. There was no pressure and no expectations. And that was exactly what I needed with everything that was going on around me. It was nice having someone in a slightly romantic position in my life. (especially someone to buy me dinner once and a while.)
But summer down there ended, and ultimately I thought that meant the end of whatever that was. And I was much more hurt than I wanted anyone to think. The idea of an actual relationship with this person was looking very real. But all major decisions were in my court and like an idiot I decided to nip it before the attachment really started to take affect.
The rest of August passed and September came. And a "What if?" seemed to linger. But it didn't matter. I have no desire to spend anymore time in SC any time soon. And it's not like he has plans of uprooting and moving up north. Which means our window of opportunity was just that, a window. But then last friday came around and I recieved a facebook message saying that he bought a ticket to B-more and would be there in an hour. Woah was this really going to be an hour and a half romantic chick flick? Where the leading roles realize that no little thing such as distance could dare stop the unrequited lovers from being together?
If you haven't gathered by now....clearly it was far from that. But we did spend the weekend together, and it was really nice. Lots of eating, lots of chilling, lots of smiling and not much talk of mushy relationship things. And that was perfect. At this point in my life I just want someone who can be there. I need someone to figuratively save me from the everyday musings I am more than happy to escape. I don't need potent feelings of intimacy. I just need someone to make me smile when I stress myself out. And when we got to BWI airport and he gave me tight hug around the shoulders right before he was about to leave, I knew that even if I'm not ready to label what we are, that he is still willing to be that person.