Sunday, June 21, 2009

"I almost Chris Browned that chick!"

As much as I hate to say it/ and as much as it goes strictly against what I believe, I can honestly say that I can understand why someone would stay in an abusive relationship. It's weird to thank that someone who shows no tolerance for continual "abuse" can succumb so easily to the powers of another. Of course I never thought I would be the one, but recently I've realized that I may serve as a victim in this situation. Not physical abuse (I know I'll never be no one's Rihanna) but emotional abuse. The ability to fall so hard for someone will allow your unconscious mind to withstand even the most hurtful situations. Fear of rejection, fear of loneliness, even fear of more dangerous abuse will allow someone to stay in an abusive relationship. I guess for me I've realized that the one person who can change my mood with the simplest of words or actions (even when they are unaware of their influence) is the same person who I call my "best friend". Of course I know it's ridiculous to continually go out of my way and to easily forgive them for how they treat me, but it's like I'm scared of losing them permanently from my life. And of course my other friends tell me repeatedly that "I need to leave that nigga alone." But leaving behind the one person who knows just about everything about you is hard stuff. I mean the knowledge is definitely reciprocated. In all honesty I most likely have more "dirt" on this person than is humanly possible; more than enough to ruin reputations, relationships and friendships for years. The only thing is that although I could be a ticking time bomb, ready to explode with the latest dish, I would never use the private information of anyone to hurt them, no matter how much they may hurt me. So many people would probably be like, "Chick, he constantly plays you, just use his own medicine against him." and they are most definitely right. It may shut him up and will definitely make him hesitate about playing my life in the future. But I can't honestly see myself trying to better a situation by hurting someone. Since that's the case I guess I'll continue to sacrifice my happiness for his. Yea… it’s messed up but I never said I knew how to stop the tolerance of abuse, I just said I understood it.

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