Tuesday, June 30, 2009

worthless relationships?

I don’t know why all of a sudden I feel like evaluating other people’s relationships. Probably because I’m lacking my own to review. That of course is a never ending story, but anyway… So now I have a problem with the fact that when people are in relationships they never seem to learn anything from them. Once again it could just be me but with every relationship I plan on having (hopefully y not too many) I pray that I learn something from them. Whether I learn about myself or about human nature, I need to be able to say that I’ve grown from every connection I’ve made. As I examine one of my friends and how he interacts with his newly found love, I’m happy to witness a change within him. We’ll start with the positive growth I’ve observed.

Prior to this relationship the overall maturity level of my friend when it comes to affairs of the heart seemed to be pretty low. The lack of commitment, negotiation and on a larger level, the ability to truly love, were all things that seemed to be a struggle for him. For any relationship to stay functioning the key is to be open and fully communicative. Luckily for them they seem to have that aspect in working order. With great communication other factors such as compromise seems to easily fall into position. Compromise is commonplace. It allows both sides to feel as if they are contributing factors in the relationship. From someone who witnessed the sometimes selfish tendencies of my friend, it’s great to see that this relationship has forced him to find the middle ground. When compromise is in place staying committed seems to be easier as well. Trust me staying faithful has been a hard thing for this dude to learn but after 6 months (by far the longest relationship he’s ever been in), commitment doesn’t seem to be a problem. And of course with a strong amount of compromise and commitment the ability to love naturally established its self. In the past I know he’s said those infamous three words in the heat of the moment, while under some type of sexual influence and even (more frequently still) because someone said it to him first and he felt obligated to return the “favor”. From the outside looking in, I want to say that I actually believe he’s finally in love. They weren’t lying when they said love will make you do crazy things. In this case “crazy things” are those things which are so out of character for him, that it leaves me wondering what new changes will he surprise me with.

But with anything, the good comes with the bad, and trust me; the not-so-good is quite evident…

Unfortunately I see my friend living in a world only occupied by his controlling counterpart. Maybe not knowingly but this relationship has forced him to cut off friendships that were established wayyyy before their unity. People are constantly speaking about how reserved he seems around everybody. After deciding to move in together for the summer, he has removed himself from everyone. Like I stated in a previous post, the ability to drop people completely to enjoy the privileges of a relationship just isn’t acceptable. He claims that it has something to do with “weeding out” those people who are causing him to have a stationary life, but I hardly believe EVERYONE fits into that category. There is a clear influence from his better (haha) half. My friend has spent so much effort trying to appease the “love of his life,” that he’s given up things that I know were (are) important to him (Personal time, certain friendships, even a feeling of independence.) Despite judging his relationship from afar, it seems like he’s stuck. If they breakup he’ll have no where to live, he’ll have no one to go back to and most importantly he’ll truly be heartbroken for the first time in his life.

So what to do when you witness the positive growth and the negative stiffening within your friend, all at the same time? Well it’s not my place to make decisions for anyone. As much as I want to stay far away from their relationship as possible (secretly wishing it would fizzle away lol) I can’t help but try and be a good friend, who is only to be concerned with his current happiness. If he says he’s happy then that’s all that matters. And of course when he decides that he isn’t so pleased I’ll be there for him. Nobody moves until they are forced to. When something seems good, people become complacent. Everyone changes at least a little when they are in a relationship. We always hope it’s for the best but that’s not always the case. If there is one thing to be said it’s that no matter if this relationships ends tomorrow or last for 3 more years, as long as you learn something from it, it can never be worthless.

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